Me...

You know how yesterday I said I wanted a boy?

Well, today I have one :D

He's awesome. And my best friend.

I think this could work.

*is happeh*

That is all.

Toodles loves.

Ehr. Been awhile. Like, 3 months sort of awhile. Oops.

Well, Im not going to say anything about posting consistantly, because frankly, we all know it isnt gonna happen. BUUUT I do read all of your posts, and I love reading them, so keep it up ladies.

Only posting now because it's 5:47am and I've been up since 4 working on this Essay that's due today. I've just gone over the max. words, and Im not happy with it yet, but I dont think I can do anything else >_< Andrew should be up soon, mayhaps I can get him to read it over.

Strange thing. I seem to have reached the age where everyone continuously asks me "Do you have a boyfriend yet!?!"

I'd love to make a "Boyfriends arent everything" comment, but to be frank, I really would like one. Ah well.

Hum. Huuum. Not  much to say really.

Ok, I'll post next when I feel like it.

Toodles darlings.

Hmm. Apologies for the lack of posting. I'd say I didnt have time, moar lyke I couldnt be arsed >_<

Not going to talk about the election- It's all I HAVE been talking about lately. I will say I was sad Howard lost Bennalong though. Insult to injury, as you say.

Trying to work up the courage to leave my group, because Eloise is making me miserable. I really do detest her, I detest that she makes me feel stupid for speaking,  how she turns Geraldine into her minion, that after she went on and on about how mean people to are she stabbed me in the back, how cynical she is, how mean she is to everyone for no reason. And I really hate that deep down, I do kind of still want her to like me, even after how much she hurt me.

Apart from Eloise, Im not really that happy in that group anyway. Nich is a good friend, but he's just always so... Close. Always there, always five miliseconds away. I mean, Im a touchy feely person, but it irritates me that he always looks so... Expectant, I guess would be the word. Like even though he'd never say it, I have some obligation to him, and I hate that. Also, he's so sulky! And because he's usually pissed at Geraldine, he comes to me and Im the one who has to make him feel better, and I know its not fair, but it's getting under my skin.

And then there's Geraldine. The girl who Im crazy about, but drives me insane because Im only ever half a friend to her, because she seems afraid that Im gonna do something and she's so closed off, or Eloise is around which means I cease to exist.

The thing is, even if I do leave, I dont really have anywhere to go. Phe's group is too... Stereotypical for my taste, and all the girls have the  "OMG, Elise Toyer? Isnt she bi?" mentality about them. My old year 9 group has disapated somewhat, Tagen's evaporated into thin air, so even if she is there I cant find her, and it's all just too hard. So I guess Ill have to bite my tongue and stand in line and hope I dont hit Eloise/Nich/Geraldine anytime soon.

Phebe hasnt been at school for yonks and a half. She seems to have something similar to that awful virus me and mum got earlier in the month. Well, still have really, but not so badly. I called her at 10ish last night because I missed her, and it was good to hear her voice again.

Im just being so annoying lately! So intollerant. And so frustrated. I want to hit myself in the face, I really do. Everyone is draving me crazy, family, friends, and the smallest things are making me get weird, like before when I couldnt get the vacuume cleaner to work, it made me want to scream. Odd stuff.

The most annoying part is that no matter how bad I feel, physically and mentally, the blood test results came back saying I was entirely healthy and normal, so now I just feel like a hypocondriac. This sucks >_<

Nich gave me a Lily Allen CD, and Im totally in love. She's hilarious, clever, and has such a different song style and voice. Good stuff, highly recommended.

Anyway, thats enough bitching for now methinks. Sorry everyone.

Bai xx

Hello Darlings

God my head hurts. I am so sick of this >_< The nausea and headaches and vertigo are just so tiring. I know I shouldnt complain, it's bad but I know people with worse, but it's hard not to when you feel like crap =/

Is it strange that when people dont leave comments, it makes me feel bad? I think it is. It's sort of like "No one cares", but I know you do. 

And the irony in this is that I hardly ever comment, because I suck at phrasing the things I mean so that others may understand them. So I end up saying "Oh, that sucks/ is cool/ would have been funny" or "I agree with the person above." Which drives me insane because it feels as though I have no intelligent thoughts in my head, and thats the image Im protraying to everyone else. A strange thing to worry about, but one that worries me nonetheless.

So many things seem to worry me. Im getting so paranoid. I dont like people looking at me, because I can not hear their thoughts. It's not like it used to be, it's not befause I dislike my appearance, but I feel like they can see past my skin and it makes me itch, like something crawls in my bones and lives in my hair. Like there's mud on my face that I can not see. Maybe there is.

All I do is complain. But I dont like the sympathy. I dont deserve it, because all of my problems seem to be self inflicted, the more I think about them. Im just another self centered whiney fuck, with their own LJ that they can spill all their deep dark problems into and pretend that they're something more then a teenager thats really, pretty well off yet can only see that darkside.

It's funny, Im saying trhings like this to Nich at the moment. He's a good friend, a great friend. Desperate to be chivelrous and supportive andbe there for me. That I really dont deserve.  I spend half the time Im with him talking about how much I hate Eloise, and she's his friend. I think he's starting to loathe her simply because I do. And I feel so guilty for it. But I continue.

Urgh, no one needs to hear this. I sit here bitching about how much I bitch. The irony overwealmes me.

Ok. Something happier. Geraldine brought in jMag today, there was a Missy Higgins article in it. 'Twas amusing.

It's my birthday in a week. I dont think Im going to do anything, I cant decide what I'd do. I might just have Geraldine and Nich over. Dunno.

Only got 67% on the Science yearly. It was higher then average for my class. Like, 20 points higher. How sad is that? We were all so underprepared. Ah well, 's'only year 8.

Ok, good night all. Hopefully Ill wake up in the light and stop being so freaking gloomy >_<

Bai xx

Hello again.

Was at Phe's nan's house this weekend. It was quite fun, but tiring. The trains werent running and it took an hour and a half to get home on the buses. Ick.

Everything seems to be tiring lately. Im rather sick of it. I got blood taken out today, their testing me for alot of things, how my liver and kidneys are working, anemia, glandular fever, thyroid problem, ect ect. And Im getting an ultrasound next monday. Rather gross, not particularly looking forward to it. I dont like them at all >_<

Not much has happened of late. Nothing much seems to anymore. I just feel vaguely melancholy right now, so prolly no the best state to be writing an lj entry in, but ah well.

Geraldine's birthday was yesterday, but she went to a concert, and I was off today, so I'll have to give her the present I made her tomorrow. I swear, that girl is driving me crazy. How can you want to shoot someone in the face yet be so attracted to them that it makes you want to scream, simultaneously? That shouldnt be able to fit in one body. It doesnt really. Not well, anyway.

Nich's pissed off with her too. Quote from an MSN conversation with him:

Nich says (4:16 PM):
she's such a pain in the arse!
Nich says (4:16 PM):
argh!
Nich says (4:17 PM):
she's rude, blunt, dense, really NOT funny, and keeps having shots at me because I said she was a flirt. which she is.
Nich says (4:17 PM):
and then that I'm a sulky pain
Nich says (4:18 PM):
stupid bitch
Nich says (4:18 PM):
shes driving me nuts

That's coming from her best friend. Not good, huh? Im tempted to use he flirtatious-ness against her, but I dont want to ruin our friendship at the expense of having some fun and teaching her a lesson. And I want to talk to her, but I know that wouldnt end well. Bleh. People will be the death of me.

Josh just missed out getting in the state cricket team. We're all rather sad. He worked so hard, for 6 months, went to every training session, and in the end he just didnt get the wickets in the last two games. He's just as good as everyone who got in, the poor guy. He just didnt perform when it was most important. Sad day for us all.

Anyway. Thats all for now.

Bai xx

Hello all. Apologies for the broken-up post.

It's been an eventful few days. Did I mention I was going to a Crowded House concert? No? Well, Im mentioning it now. Oh dear god, it was AWESOME. I cant even discribe how amazing ^_^

Uhm. Stuff happening with Brad. Not good. I feel horrible.

Saw the counsellor woman today. She's nice, as usual. Felt good the vent.

Pill isnt working. Im pissed >_>

Finally getting something together for this song. Josh wrote me the music, so I've just gotta do the words. Easy, right? Yeah. Sure.

Andrew's not doing well. Im very worried about him. He's admitted to having depression. Guess it runs in the family.

Ok, thsi is all I can muster right now. I need to sleep.

Love and sweetness xx

Hello darlings,

Not much happened today. Sarah was over, which is always nice. Her and Andrew made Pancakes for breakfast, they were really lovely, and we all listened to John Butler Trio. Good fun.

Fairly lazy day. Made cookies, then I bummed around the house, watched a really cheesy movie twice (Bring It On: All Or Nothing. For shame, I know), read alot, and gardened. Fun for all involved, I assure you.

Mm. There really isnt much to report, apologies for how pointless this is. Lets think of something to write...

Kyle's coming down tomorrow, staying the night. Should be fun. Im planning on pushing him in our arctic pool. Im sure he'll kill me for it. Yei!

Oh! I know what to talk about. This god-forsaken song Im trying to write is driving me completely insane. It's refusing to come together. It's like all creative ability has left me, simply because I need it. How irritating! Im considering just ginign something random and venician-aria-sounding, just to make everyone look at me strangly. Ill still write it, it just wont have to make sense because no one will understand it anyway ^_^

I need to join something. I lead such a boring life! But what? I have no talents for team sports. Dancing? I meant to, but the whole leotard-wearing thing is opening an old insecurity. I dont know really. My darling f-list. Suggestions please?

Ok, Im a wee but more satisfied now. At least there is something with a little bit of substance in this now.

Keep safe xx

Hullo all

I should write an entry. I can't be bothered >_< Ah well, I promised.

Ok. Umm. Took the day off school, in my slacker way. Mental health day mainly, but I am ill, and so damn tired I'm hardly awake most of the time lately. But really, Im happy. Im stisfied enough with my life, I love my friends, and all is well.

For now anyway. The exam period is starting though >_< I am going to fail the math yearly, and honestly, I dont care that much. It's not even important in the long run, or the short run even. So, I wont care. Right?  Right?

Hum. I've been re-reading my old entries. I feel quite bad, really. Im fairly cruel for no reason, far too often. I feel terrible for some of the things Ive written about Nich, he's been and is an amazing friend to me and I feel so bad for the things I used to write about him. But they sort of were the feeling at the time, no matter how dramatised, so I guess I cant swallow my words because I feel guilty. Ill just be a bit more positive from now on.

Im so damn tired at the moment. It's like everything is exhausting, and really, it shouldnt be. I dont think I want to be ill, but really, I dont know. Maybe Im a hypocondriac at heart =P

Urgh. Im on the verge of tears right now for so many reasons. Most of them good. I seem to be vaguely an emotional wreckof late. But I dont mind. what a strange creature I am.

I really need to bunker down and work on this song, if Im gonna do it. If not, I need to either figuire out how to strip the vocals off a track, or go without music =/ I dont know. I know Im going to enter, but what with?

Ok. Enough for now. Take care my darklings xx

Hello all.

Am I the only one who was sad enough to sit up and watch the clocks change on Sunday? I think so. Oops.

Geraldine apologised a couple of days ago, we're back on good terms. Im pathetic, no matter how hurt/upset I am, I fall straight back into their laps once they say sorry. I can't help it. But she did mean it, and didnt make me say sorry because she acknowledged that I did nothing to her, so it's fair enough, right? Thanks for the support on this issue my darlings.

Brad told me he loved me awhile ago. I said it back. I meant it too. How perculiar. He's such an amazing guy. Yet so far away. Ah, how amusing. Let's all sit and watch history repeat itself children!

He is rather amazing though. So smart, witty, sweet, and his way with words absoloutly slays me. Any boy who is that good a writer has me at hello ^_^ Oh, and did I mention pretty? Yes, he's that too, but honestly, I couldnt care less. The boy has a phenominal personality, and is a truely amazing person =]

Anyway. I still stand by "Kill him" on the Emily-Jacob-Rest of the world thing. Scumbags like him must die before the impregnate someone, and spawn *shudder*

Urgh. Not the best day, but weirdly enough, not terrible. Friends were lovely. I got to see Lauren, and steal her NIN CDs =D And yeah, I know what you mean about time-monopolisers my darling. I have one in my group, and to be honest, I detest her and everything about her. So not quite the same, but you get the picture, right?

Other good stuff happened too. Had a great talk with Geraldine in Gloria Jeans and my singing lesson was great. So life isnt all terrible. Not for me anyway.

I've been writing, working on a song for this Gossi's Got Talent thing. Stupid, I know, but I want to wow people if I can. Stuff it, if they hate me for being me and are perplexed by what I do, at least they can say I have a kick-ass voice, right?

Anyway. Bye for now, I'll try not to tae so long between posts next time. I forget things.

[I wish I could have protected you. I love you more then anything. My angel, you'll soldier through this. You're so much stroger then you think]

Hello

I've decided Im going to use "Music" as "Favourite Song at the moment", because usually it takes alot more then one song to write an entry. Yes, I think I'll do that. Write it in Song- Band- Album format aswell. Yes. Im thinking about this too much ^_^

Not much going on, but I thought I should write, just to report that.

According to Nich, Geraldine still wants to be friends. I dont care at this second. I'm not exactly the most forgiving of people, and anyone who can upset me enough to make me start crying in rollcall has fucked up badly in my books. If she wants to fix this, she's gonna have to apologise and do it well. Im refusing to apologise, when I didnt say or do anything to her. I did something to Nich, that I apologised to him for. I shouldnt have to jusitify that to her. Mleh, im just getting angry again.

Emma, I think I should point out that I also would very much like to castrate and decapitate this Jacob fellow. Time for his death, yes?

Spent an hour on the phone to Nich, and now Geraldine IS actaully speaking to me. And I still like her, so I cant help but talk back. Damn, i suck at this :P

Ok, Im done for now. I think I'll edit later. Bai babes.

Keep safe xx

Good evening everyone. Yes, amazing, I actaully said evening.

Ok, the shit seems to have hit the fan friendship wise. Geraldine and I had a fight via school email this morning. She is very, very annoyed with me for the fight with Nich, which he is fine with me for. Im seeing a very large dejavu from the Eloise situation. Major what the fuck. God, all this crap just makes me want to break. Not break something. Break.

Couldnt concentrate in Math today, so I just drew on the desk instead. Did a lovely eye in blue and black pen, and then the entire cast of "Hey Diddle Diddle" You can tell I wasnt exactly ontop of things. Only ended up answering a few questions out of the massive practice test we were doing. Sigh.

Lunchtime was insanely fun. There was this massive electrical storm, absoloutely beautiful. Kyle and I were, plus Phebe, half my grade, and most of the guys in year 9 who were playing soccer, were all down on the oval dancing (me and Kyle) and tackling eachother (Me and Kyle and me and everyone else), I was soaked from head to toe. Then, there was an amazing rush for everyone who was wet to hide because the teachers were getting nazi on our asses. So fun.

I've started a wee notebook, that Im printing things out and pasting them into. They're all my weird, postsecret type, confessions, that I can't tell anyone. It should be fun. I think when Im done, I'll leave it on a desk for someone to find ^_^ Send them for a loop.

Alright, Im done for the day. Goodnight all

Morning. This is going to be a weird post, you prolly shouldnt read if you want to maintain any god opinions of me >.<

You know what? Im a slacker. I dont care either. I know I should be at school right now, but Im tired and fed up of all that crap. Plus, this way I get to avoid Math and Foodtech, though the downside would be I miss out on art. Mleh. Win some lose some.

Dirty secret- I read ljsecret compulsively.  Knowing how many people there are out there who are as, if not more, fucked up and perverted then me makes me feel satisified. Sick, I know, but what can you do? I like reading them, but it's a bit scary to be able to relate to them. I wish I could say some of the things I think, but they're too disgusting, too alienating. So, I'll stick with my current level of weirdness, I guess.

You know what? I used to hate myself, the way I looked. But now, I really, truely feel beautiful. I dont know why the switch happened, but it makes me feel sort of guilty to really like the way I look, and at the same time, a little annoyed that some guy or girl doesnt take notice aswell. Maybe Im fooling myself- I dont know really.

It irritates me that I wont get a girlfriend. I know that's so stupid, Im 13, rah rah rah, but I dont care when it comes down to it. I want one, and I wish it was as easy as it is (in theory) to meet a guy. But it's not. You meet a guy and a ssume he's straight, and could possibly be interested. Well, if you meet a girl, you also have to assume she's straight. Thats the damn problem.

Had a huge row with Nich last night, and I dont feel guilty at all. Fuck it, he's too sensitive, and I never lead him on. I always told him my intentions, if he chooses to ignore them, then it's his problem.

Brad's flying up in summer, he promised he would. Im really looking forward to it, even if he is only an internet-friend. I wont meet him on my own, Im too paranoid, but I trust we'll get along. I know it's sad, but my biggest worry is that he wont think Im pretty when he see's me in person *sigh*

The school's doing a talent show, and I'm entering, I dont know what Im singing yet. Ive got a big long list that Im narrowing down gradually, I've got to decide by next friday. I'll have to make a backing track, I should have fun with it.

Alright, I'll be quiet now. Goodbye all.

Heya.

Alright. Far too long since my last update for my liking. Im so freaking noncomital. It's annoying.

Brief overveiw: spent most of the first week back at school off sick with a Sinus infection, on antibiotics now. Finally found a doctor I like, a woman (yay) so I opened up and asked if there was any way I could get some relief from my periods. They put me on the pill. Whoa. Yay for 3 months without menstruation.

Back to being friends with Eloise. WTF. Nich and Geralinde panicked, in an OMGwhatifsheditchesus? Way, but I assured them I wouldnt. Im never gonna let it get like that again, Im intent to only make that mistake once.

Went to the movies with Nich and Geraldine. Yayfun. Saw A Mighty Heart. Yayterroristjokes. We were making very slack calls the entire movie, so fun, and the only way it was at all interesting. Shockingly, Angelina Jolie was good, but I dont think the film was done sufficiently. Ah well, I had a fun day anyway.

Very worried about Tagen, very tense. Notgood. I want her better, and I want her to fight to get there, and I know she wont. Bleh. I just want her to get better, and Kelly is freaking, which is annoying cause I cant be arsed being the one he leans on. How cruel of me *sigh*

Phebe's broken up with Brent, thank god. He annoyed me, and I know it's mean, but seriously. If she wont reply to your texts, why text her best friend? She obviously doesnt want to talk to you, and I really dont, so what does it accomplish fool? I dont get that logic.

Got a Melbournian guy who fancies me. He's adorable, gonna fly up to Sydney to see me in summer prolly. How cute. I like him too, but I dont know if Im up for another Long Distance thing, albiet a shorter long distance this time >_<

Me and Nich and Geraldine got to skip a Science test, because our science teacher didnt have enough sheets ^_^ We went to the Library and talked, I put Nich's hair in bunches, it was pretty funny. We're all tight and buddy-buddy, Im so glad the Love-triangle shit hasnt affected our friendship. Good times, good times.

Writing again, yei. Very good, Ill post some next time, once I type it up. Two poems, and a thing I liked at the time, but dont think I do now. Needs alot of revising, or to be trashed. Not sure which.

I really am going to try and update daily. I really am. I love reading Emma's daily posts ^_^ I swear, I'll try. Not that you lot care >.<

Very into No Doubt of late. Love the songs Bathwater, Just a Girl, and Sunday Morning, and I've had Ex-Girlfriend stuck in my head all day. Very good band, highly recommended.

Need to get me some NIN! Im sorry I wasnt there last Thursday, but Lauren, if you're reading, Im begging you to bring the CD's this Thurs. I swear, I'll be there, with veyr veyr very late birthday present!

OK, that's my life up-to-date. I am done *bows*

 Hello all.

Gosh, Ive already failed at my promise. Ah well, Ill do todays and yesterdays now, I guess. I think I'll put th behin pretty LJ cuts though, so they dont take up a massive amoutn of room in people's friend pages. Arent I considerate?

Ohkay. Yesterday. 

Went to Devlin's place, an hour later then I was meant to, I might add, because mum wouldnt remove herself from  the phone and I missed the first one. Taught myself to sew by fixing my awesome patchwork bag, quite proud of myself really, considering the material half of the strips were made of, sewing it wasnt easy.

Anyway, got to the station, was introduced to Devlins dad, went to his house. Tagen was there, I promptly glomped her. It was amazing to see her, it felt like month's since Id even spoken to her. Turns out all the emails I'd been sending had gone astray. Thank you Hotmail! We watched movies, ate pizza, I got myself into a  bit of a situation with Devlin. Got another one on my tail, yay! I need to start getting the right messages accross to guys from the start.

Grat conversation with Kylie when I got home, I love that boy amazingly ^_^ He's such a great friend, and the best part is- NO SEXAUL ATTRACTION! Whee! He's a good friend. Im going over to his Sunday, should be good fun.

Anyway, it was an ok day, nothing amazing, nothing terrible. 

Today-

Woke up early, mum left for Adelaide, she's judging a show, wee! Anyway, I was home alone for most of the day. Listened to alot of Crowded House, then I called Nich, and very kindly and tactfully *cough* explained that I really didnt want to go out with him. Felt guilty, but for the best.

Then, I slept. For a few hours. Then, I woke up, ate Krispy Kremes, and painted. Now, Im going to the closing night of Andrew's performance. Not a particularly interesting day, all up. Ah well, at least I got the whole Nich thing sorted. He's even started to /like/ me already. Yei! 

I wish people didnt like me like that. I've honestly stop feeling the need to crush on someone for every second of my life, and I just dont see the need. Its all this crap, it just weighs you down. And for what? A snog and a ruined friendship. Who needs it?

Anyway, I should go. Thats my life done. And thankyou to everyone who has told me they /do/ read. Made me feel good to know I hadnt been ditched :P

Love and sweetness xx

Hey there. '

Y'know, I dont know why I say hello, or goodmorning, or whatever. This is only a blog, after all. I suppose I could be saying hello to whoever is reading, but the thing is, I dont think anyone reads anymore. How sad, I am teh unlovedzors. Moving on? Moving on.

Its raining outside, all flashy lightning and wind, but not that much actaul rain now I think aout it. B apart from the rain, Im really rather hot. Im in my coolest PJ's, which is good. I miss being able to wear little clothes without freezing to death. Though, the wind is really going to bug me all night, I think. Whenever its windy at nigth, I have to shove my head beneath my pillow and try and block out all the sound. Its not usaully very effective. Ah well, hopefully it will stop.

Speaking of annoying noises in the night, I cant get my tap to stop dripping. It's driving me INSANE. I dont know why, bu everytime I walk into my bathroom the tap is dripping and it just makes me twitch. Ah well, I'll eventaully get dad to fix it. Meanwhile, Ill glare at it in the hopes it will stop.

I dont really have much to say, but I feel like a traitor if I dont update. How strange. Ive becoming awefully dedicated to my lovely livejournal. She's good to me, indeed she is. Alright, I think I may be creeping people out now. Ill stop. But Ive thought of a new way to post, I think I am going to try and do a post a day, no matter how short, and edit with anything I feel necersary, until the next days post. That way, I wont be able to forget to post, and no small detail will go forgotten. Lets see if I can stick to it? There's no chance but we can hope!

The whole Nich thing is getting weirder by the second. I think we have a "Hes going to facerape me and see how I react" agreement, which should be interesting to say the least. I want to badly to like him, it would make everything so much simpler, but I just... Dont. And I dont have the heart to crush all his hopes again, and I know the mixed messages Im sending him are lethal and a half. I'll be laying in his lap, holding his hand and telling him that it means nothing, I dont like him like that. But I cant bring myself to becaue frakly, I like the affection. God, Im a horrible person >.<

Anyway, I think this is all for now. Love to all the people who may happen to be reading, Im going to go have a deep debate about where religious extremests go wrong with a guy called Brad in Melbourne who I have never met. Fun, ay?

Love,
Elise

Mooorning all. And it really is morning, insanely early at that. So, what better to do then post!

Im a tad sleep deprived, so bear with me here babes :P Lossa interesting relationship shiz has been happening of late, and Im not entirely certain whats going on. The whole thing with Nich blew up, now we're firends again. Geraldine told me she liked me, and I said the same, but she doesnt want to go out, and fancies Nich aswell. And my 17 year old friend Rhys fancies me, and "hypothetically" asked me out last night. Oh, the joys of being a horny, horny teenager. Weird part? None of this bothers me, at all. It did at first, but right at this moment, Im fiiiine. Its good fun ^_^

Moving on? Holidays now, Im enjoying them, but still doing insane amounts of cleaning. Somewhat perculiar. It seems to be becoming somewhat of an obsession of mine. Ah well, it's good for the house!

Went to Geraldines house, went to the beach. 2nd time Ive been to a beach in a fortnight. Weird :P It really is coming into Summer now. Its too hot for my liking though, I need to get some cooler clothes, and find my big poofly, summer-y skirts that seem to have disapeared since I got home form England. Methinks mutti's wardrobe has stolen them. I must find them!

Speaking of clothes, Ive made a resolution to wear weirder ones. I want to be original, and dammit Im going to make an effort :P Colourful clothes and belts and eyeliner, oh my! I need to look different, cause I can't wear the Supre shit, so Im going to rock my vintage/vinnies clothes and do it in staaaahyle.

Alright, Im rather hyper, as my non-existant readers may have noticed. It does seem Im getting nil comments of late, methinks I need to find some more friends. But at the same time, Id rather they just added me, cause going out and stealing Lauren or someone's firends would make me feel really stalker-ish and creepy. Alas, an odd conundrum of the modern age!

Alright, Ill stop now before I scare people. Leave you all with the latest Friday five, I know, Im actaully doing one.
 No clue, I dont try often. Underwater, I dont think I can for very long, the pressure gets to me and freaks me out.I can hold a note for like, 2 minutes though, and that's without exagerating. I love being a singer ^_^



Bai my darklings xx

Thought I'd do a happy post, something sweet. I wrote all these down just before when I was sitting on my bed, so I thought I would share =]



I cleaned up my room today, it looks lovely. It was nice to do it, I was listening to music and dancing and singing at the same time, so I had fun with it.

Apart from that, all thats happened is that I had some upsetting news last night, Sean's got a girlfriend. It hurt quite a bit at the time, but not anymore. I need to forget about him now I think, there's nothing left for me to cling to.

Anyway, thats all for now.

And Lauren, post plox :P

I love you all very much,
Elise

Eek. Two weeks since my last update, not good. Between computer problems and sheer laziness, nothing has been posted. Not good methinks.

I dont know what to write... Hmm. I guess Ill just start with whats been happening? I think that'd be good.

Went to parties last weekend. Fun, but with... Interesting consequences. Im too flirty for my own good, methinks. I had a follower for awhile, and I somewhat broke his heart yesterday. And the cruel thing? I dont care. His "OMG YOU LED ME ON AND HURT ME" act is just frustrating and irritating. Im such a cow, but I dont give a shit if I hurt him. Because I made clear from the start I didnt want anything to happen, and if he took it differantly, he deserved to be hurt. Bleh, its a messy, gross situation. And only justifies moreso why I dont like boys, they're fragile and annoying.

Speaking of me not liking boys- Im becoming more and more "female orientated", so to speak. I might turn out gay yet., funnily enough. And I dont care, because it's not a big deal to anyone I know, and really, I think they're all expecting it. Ah, amusement.

Alright, off that train of thought. Went to the National rabbit show, mum's black otter rex won out of 520 rabbits, pretty impressive. We have a massive trophy and a shitload of a good rep. to boot aswell. She's at another rabbit show this weekend, the Melbourne Royal to be specific, went down with a few friends. But anyway, after the National, we had the English judge and his ladyfriend stay over ours for a few days. Now she was lovely, but he was quite frankly the most selfish and disagreeable man I had ever met. Never been so glad to see the back of one of the judges. But moving on again.

School's ended for this term, oh thank god. It was getting to that time when I was so. Sick. Of. People. So, end of term is good. Veyr good. Except the year 12s leaving was sad, even though I only knew two well, and I will still get to see Catrina fairly regularly. But I'll most likely never see Rhys again, and I was rather fond of him. Ah well, such is life.

Hurm. Im eating again, far too much in all honesty. I stress eat, perfectly aware of this, but I cannot stop myself, which is always irritating. Urgh, I need to get off the computer, but I cant be bothered to do anything else. Oh well.

I think I've written enough for now. Havent written anything altely, really must start up again.

Bye my darklings xx

Morning all

Eek, 6 days since my last update. I just keep starting, then stopping after like a paragraph or getting beaten off the computer. Blerg. Possibly a shorter post, we'll see how it goes. Feeling somewhat ill, but well, I am most days really, Im such a bloody wimp. I just cant shake this horrid headachey and tired thing, and Im happy enough not to because of how much school I get to miss. Urgh, Im an annoying shit :P

Had a bladder-infection scare night before last (dont ask) but yeah, was in the doctors waiting room for hours. And then the bastard implied I was fat. Not what you want to hear at 10:45 at night when you've been waiting for an hour and a half. Though, the shit did give me a doctors certificate so I got to do my bludging-thing again. I slept in till 11 and watched Doctor Who. I love those days. I hate myself for loveing them so much, Im such a freaking skiver.

Anyway, feeling a bit better then I have been for the past few days, I think Ill go for a walk later. Im going a bit crazy I think, forcing myself to stay cooped up in my little cocoon simply because it's easier. I need to get out, do something. Meet someone, paint something. Do something that accomplishes something, not just sit here on the computer like Im satisfied with satiating myself. But the stupid thing is, even though I want to get out there, everytime mum bugs me about it, its like a knee-jerk reaction to say no. Ok, Ive made up my mind. I will aim to: 

Write something, 
Bake something, 
Make something, 
Do some homework, 
Clean something
Read a book 
and go for at least one walk this weekend. 

I need to get something done. Id love to go out somewhere with friends, but Im out all next weekend so Ill survive without it.

Had a few people tell me that I shouldnt be so scared to trust people, that no one is trying to hurt me, that I dont have to be nervous to ask for help lately. Its a bit of an odd thing to have people you are very close to tell you, and it certainly makes you think. I never really considered that I didnt trust people, or that I thought they were trying to hurt me. I thought I had gotten over that a little while ago. But I guess I havent really. I dont like asking for help, or unloading on other people that much anymore. For one, after being told I was very selfobsorbed by someone I thought was a close friend, Im nervous to talk about myself much, and two, I know people have much bigger problems then I do, and Im afraid the weight of mine might tip them over. I dont want to be a problem for anyone, and I dont want them to worry about me. By not telling them, they worry about me. By telling them, they worry. Lose, lose situation really.

Failed a math test terribly. I could only answer about 5 questions. And I honestly dont know what the problem was. I just couldnt think at all. I mean, I blamed it on a stomach ache when I was talking to mum, like the lying shit I am, but it wasnt that. I just couldnt get the thoughts to connect, and Daniel White was sitting behind me talking and making stupid noises the entire time, I just ended up wanting to run out crying. Hopefully my parents will be ok when that referal gets sent home, because when you answer 4 questions, the school gets somewhat pissy.

Though, on a happier note, I went really well on that English assesment I was talking about ages ago. They finally gave us out marks back, and I ended up getting 90%, the second highest score in the class. I'm pretty damn chuffed. I guess thats the only thing that can keep you going, isnt it. Balance out the failures with the successes, and you might just be able to find the energy to get through to the next day, where you will hopefully find some more fuel to keep going. So yes, I have my fuel for now, and that should be enough to keep me going until my next success.

I still wish I was back in England, but it might be getting a bit less. I'll eventaully settle back into life over here I guess. I think I need to get a girlfriend. Only problem is I dont know any gay girls. Maybe I should join a support group and prey on the confused girls. Im such a cow >.<

Decided to join thefridayfive today for a bit of inspiration. And it might help me to think a bit more. 

Kays, I think thats all for now. Goodbye my darklings.

Hi there.

Gah, I dont know what I have to say. I just felt like I had to say  something, had to keep the promise of "I will update this" because if I leave it for a week, I know Ill forget again and again and again until it's another term gone and Im just sitting there apologising profusely. So, Im updating. I just dont know what with.

Gah, Im lethally menstrual at the moment. Apart from the usaul "I dont care about your problems now start and continue running away" mindset, my stomach is hurting and I want to kill things, just for the sake of it. Yay *grins manically*

Sam the idiot is at the very very top of my list of things to kill. Oh god, I cant believe he did that. I could not have made the fact that I loathe him any clearer, I SAID IT, for gods sake, and he STILL decided it would be a bright idea to kiss me. Cue death threats here. I really want to hurt him, and I feel that beating the idea of  "You must not like me again, ever" into him repeatedly may be the best option here. Boys are stupid.

Ooh. Serious self esteem boost. I had an hour long make -up singing lesson today. I can hit a high D. A high D! Oh my lord, I feel so proud of myself ^_^ Doing a performance on the 27th, and the song Im singing for it sounds seriously rocking. Ah, I love it. Singing is something I just feel great about, it makes me feel talanted and special and skilled and oh yummy yummy yummy I love this feeling, I just want to bottle it.

Read alot more of dear Shirley Manson's blog this arfternoon. Oh, I love this woman so much. And I think she's rubbing off on me, cause my LJ is starting to sound a bit like her blog. Oh well, no one has to read this creation of mine ^_^ Moving on

Urgh, went to the doctors awhile ago for a referal to the new psychiastrist woman, and mum asked him to start on the kidney stuff again. Urgh, I dont want to, but I prolly should. I just hate this poking and prodding and scanning and stabbing and then they still come up with nothing and say Ill grow out of it and I dont want to do this again. I feel like saying that it's my problem and I dont care about it that much, Ive learnt to deal with it now and I dont care anymore! Alas, start up the machines, Im coming back in I guess.

On an entirely different note, oh how this Chaser stuff makes me laugh. Its so rediculus and it is too funny. Ah, politions need to learn to take a joke.

I think that should be all for now.
Bye my darklings xx